Step Three – Understanding Your Behavior

So, you picked a behavior to change?

Great!

Now, let’s understand a little bit more about your specific behavior.

In order to really change a behavior, you have to learn more about why you are doing what your are doing.

We all behave in certain ways and we do so because they have proven to be helpful to us on some sort of level in the past.

Sometimes, the behavior gets us some thing that we want.
It may make some annoyance go away.
The behavior may just make us feel better.
It may even serve to simply get attention.

One of these four reasons is the likelihood of your behavior.

Think about your behavior for a moment.

Why do you think you do what you do?

What purpose does it serve you?

Be honest!

You don’t have to tell anyone!

Just think about it….why are you doing what you are doing?

??????????

Not certain?

That’s okay! Sometimes, we have been doing what we have been doing for so long that we do not realize why we are doing it, no matter how hard we try to figure it out.

Let’s take a look at some other people’s behaviors as examples and see if you can figure out why they are doing what they are doing.

The more practice you have at studying your environment and specific behavior – even behaviors you see around you from others – the more you may be able to better understand your own behavior….

Practice Scenarios

You tell me why the person in the following scenarios is behaving the way that they are….

Bob was flying a kite. It got stuck in a tree. Bob climbed the tree. Why did Bob climb the tree?

(Okay, multiple choice here….was it….??)

To get the kite
To get someone’s attention
To make the kite go away

Now, you’re probably saying, “Come on, this is elementary stuff. The answer is ‘a’. To get the damn kite.”

Yup! You got it! And, yes, it is elementary when you really take a look at it…

Bear with me for a minute…

Let’s try another one…..

Katie got a new outfit. She wanted Ms. Dapper next door to see. She shouts, “Hey” to Ms. Dapper. Why did Katie shout, “Hey” to Ms. Dapper?

(Here we go…)

To get a new outfit
To make Ms. Dapper go away
To get Ms. Dapper’s attention

Bingo! You got it!

The answer is ‘c’ (the last one).

Oh? Too easy?

Alright….let’s make it a little more challenging for ya….

Ginger’s son likes to sit in the living room after school and play video games. Ginger works hard in the kitchen to prepare a nice dinner for her family. When dinner is ready, Ginger walks into the living room and tells her son to wash his hands for dinner. Her son starts to scream, “I hate you!” Ginger starts to cry and walks out of the room. Ginger goes back to the kitchen to sit down and eat with the rest of her family. Her son continues to play his video games in the living room. Why did her son scream, “I hate you?”

To get a new video game
To get his mom to go away
To get his mom’s attention

Ahh…had to think a little bit more with that one, huh?

That’s right! To get his mom to go away. He doesn’t want to wash his hands! And, in the past, he has probably learned that, if he shouts to his mother that he hates her that she will go away and then he can keep playing his video games!

(Sounds like this child needs to learn to be a little nicer to his mother!)

Now, let’s take the same scenario, but look at a different behavior within it:

Ginger’s son likes to sit in the living room after school and play video games. Ginger works hard in the kitchen to prepare a nice dinner for her family. When dinner is ready, Ginger walks into the living room and tells her son to wash his hands for dinner. Her son starts to scream, “I hate you!” Ginger starts to cry and walks out of the room. Her son continues to play his video games. Why did Ginger walk into the living room? What purpose did walking into the living room serve her?

To get a video game
To get her son’s attention
To get away from the kitchen because she was tired of cooking

Well?

If you picked “getting her son’s attention” you are right!

Do you see how you can take a little scenario out of someone’s day and evaluate it to see why someone does what they do?

Think about all of the hundreds of little scenarios in your day and all of the possible ways you could sit down and analyze them!

There is so much more to our behavior than what we think. There is a much bigger picture to it all!

Do you see how other people’s behavior can affect our own behavior?

Why did Ginger start to cry?

Do you think she would have cried if her son had said, “Ok, thanks, mom! I will be right there! I love you!”

Believe it or not, other people’s behavior have an affect on your behavior and YOUR BEHAVIOR has an affect on other’s.

Yup! That’s right!

If you’re wondering why Aunt Ida simply hands you a can of peanuts every year for Christmas instead of a nicer gift like everyone else, it may be something you did or said in the past that has caused her to be this way with you.

We have such a mind these days to think that everything is everyone else’s fault. We fail to look at our own behaviors and how they have an impact on those around us.

STUDYING YOUR BEHAVIOR

If you cannot pinpoint offhand why you are doing what you are doing, there is a more scientific way of studying it.

It is called Functional Assessment.

Now, you can get pretty detailed with doing a functional assessment and the best people to consult for more information are Behavior Analysts because this is a big part of their job, but, if you are like most people looking for a quick study and change and have little time to devote, you can do something simple.

It is called collecting ABC data.

A = Antecedent (What happened right before you engaged in your behavior?)

B = Behavior (This is what you did right after the antecedent occurred)

C = Consequence (This is not like you think. It is not a punishment. It is simply, what happened right after the behavior occurred)

Let’s look at it this way:

Joannie’s husband told her she looked fat. Joannie pounded her fist against the table. Her husband scurried out of the room.

What I like to do is look at the behavior first.

What is the specific behavior Joannie is emitting that we are probably studying in this scenario?

Right! Pounding her fist.

So, what was the antecedent? What happened right before she pounded her fist? What was the trigger that made her engage in that behavior?

You got it!

Her husband told her she was fat.

(Now, come on….never tell a lady she is fat, y’all! That’ll get you into some trouble!)

What happened right after she pounded her fist? What was the consequence?

Her husband left the room.

So, from this one specific scenario, why do you think Joannie engaged in pounding her fist behavior?

(Theme song from Jeopardy….)

Ok, time is up! What is your answer?

If you said, because she was trying to get her husband to go away, then you are right!

In the past, Joannie has probably learned that, if she pounds her fist against a table that her husband will leave the room.

Do we know this is the reason for certain? No. It is just a hypothesis. We would have to take a look at several more instances of Joannie’s pounding fist behavior before we could conclude that this is more than likely the reason.

Now, put this into practice with your own behavior the next time you have the opportunity.

Get a piece of paper and write it down!

What happened right before you engaged in your behavior?

What happened right after?

From there, you can figure out the possible why of your behavior.

It serves you a purpose. What is it?